Domestic violence used to be treated as a private matter – what happens behind closed doors is not a public affair. This approach managed to hide the problems for a long time and now, when things are starting to surface, the truth looks ugly and shocking. First abuse of women draw the attention of the public and only recently reports of men in abusive relationships started to surface.
Domestic violence has a really serious effect on the physical and emotional health of the victim, no matter if the victim of domestic violence is male or female. There are many similarities in the way men and women are abused at home and the most surprising is that men are also passive to defend themselves when they are abused by their partner. There are many reasons why men stay in abusive relationships and some of them are listed below.
Shame Keeps Men's Mouths Shut in an Abusive Relationship
Traditionally men are perceived as stronger than women and they are taught that complaining is weakness. That is why many men are reluctant and ashamed to admit that they are victims of domestic violence, even if the abusive relationship is becoming life-threatening for them.
Fear That Disclosure will Escalate the Domestic Violence
Fear that if they don't keep their mouths shut, this will make their wife even more brutal and will lead to more and crueler violence is another reason why men don't do anything to break free from an abusive relationship.
Denial of Being a Victim in an Abusive Relationship
Sometimes men don't admit, even to themselves, the fact that they are the victim in an abusive relationship. This is also related to shame, fear, lack of opportunities to break free, belief that it is not as bad as it could be, the “I am a man, I can stand it” attitude, etc. Maybe some will call it love but it is hard to understand how somebody could love a monster, who is inflicting physical and emotional damage on him.
Tied in an Abusive Relationship
Very often men are just tied in the abusive relationship and even if they are aware that breakup (and for married couples – divorce) is the only solution, they can't do it (or at least it is not that easy to do it) because they are tied – with kids, property, fear to be alone, etc.
Feeling Powerless as a Victim of Domestic Violence
It is hard for a woman to break from an abusive relationship, but for men it could be even harder because there are fewer, if any organizations to assist them when they decide to quit the abusive relationship. Also, for many men, it is next to impossible to live on their own and they are happier to have a partner, even if this is an abusive partner, than to be alone.
Feeling Sorry for Her
As absurd as it could sound, the victim is sorry for the abuser. Here different motives kick in: she is so vulnerable and that is why she is so aggressive, she won't be able to make it on her own and it is low to leave her, etc. While it is really irresponsible to leave somebody helpless, here the roles are inverted and this makes it harder to quit an abusive relationship.
Nobody will Believe Him
Finally, one more reason why men stay in abusive relationships is that even if they ask the authorities for assistance, nobody will believe that a 6 foot, 200 pound man is a victim of domestic violence, even if this is the case. When cops are called the abuser starts to cry and pretend that she is the victim and frequently she wins simply because he can't prove he is right.
It is very sad that cases of domestic violence are not an exception. It is not reasonable to expect that society or somebody else will save the victims of domestic abuse but lending a helping hand to a friend in need is always appreciated. And no, such help is not an attempt to interfere in somebody's personal life – it is an attempt to save a victim before it becomes too late.
Tsveti Georgieva - I have been a full-time freelancer since 2005. Before that I was a serial job quitter and but now I have finally found a job - i.e. ...
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